Naruto in Potter land
by a dreamer's attic
Summary: Why are Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura at Hogwarts? I don't know. Regardless as to the reasons, they are indeed there, and hilarity ensues. I don't own naruto or Harry potter Complete! yay!
1. A beautiful woman is a naked woman

"UGLY?!" The blonde was fuming at the dark-haired teen. "I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I MAKE A _BEAUTIFUL_ WOMAN!!" The students stared at the scene, a few beginning to snicker.

"Don't be ridiculous, dobe" Sasuke smirked, crossing his arms on his chest.

Then a faint popping sound was heard and standing in Naruto's place... was an

incredibly gorgeous, _naked _young woman!

She coyly wrapped her arms loosely around the Uchiha, bringing her bare breasts to rest against his chest. "How could you think, for even an instant, that I'm not pretty?" "she" asked in a silkier version of Naruto's voice.

Sasuke rolled his eyes, "Dobe."

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"Is it true?"

"Did you really turn into-"

"-a naked girl?"

Naruto sweatdropped at the two identical boys in front of him, "Whoa, double vision…"

"Oh, no, we're-"

"-twins."

"I'm George."

"I'm Fred."

"Or is he George?"

"And him Fred?"

The two boys shrugged and grinned.

"Okaaay..."

"Back to-"

"-the main topic."

"Can you-"

"-or can you not-"

"-turn into a girl?"

"Uh, yeah," Naruto grinned. "It's the best!"

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AN: don't ask why they are at Hogwarts...I don't know XD This also wasn't supposed to ever leave my pile of "juck fiction" but my darling Beta Heart of Shou told me too...and if you know me...you know that when HoS comands...I obey 

Review Please!


	2. Age vs Maturity

"You really are a bunch of kids aren't you?" Naruto stated more than asked the students before him. Similar thoughts went through the minds of his teammates next to him.

"You're one to talk! We have seniority over you!" declared Ron.

"Yeah, but at least we're adults," Sakura nodded as if it made any sense, which to the young Hogwarts students, it didn't.

"How old are you anyway?"

Naruto grinned, "Sixteen in the Fall!"

"I'm sixteen now" Sakura commented.

They looked over at Sasuke before rolling their eyes. "And Teme here is 16 too," Naruto said, jabbing a thumb in the other boy's direction.

"You _are_ younger than us!"

"You don't have a right to call us kids when you're kids too!"

The three young ninja blinked. "But you guys are still useless. You haven't graduated, you don't have your job...You're still so...innocent… So you're kids," Naruto nodded wisely.

"Innocent?" A Slytherin student raised an eyebrow. A few female students giggled nervously. "I supposed _you _consider yourselves to be... _experienced_?"

Sakura blushed, understanding the underlying statement, but as usual, the insinuation went right over Naruto's head. "Of course we have experience!" The students around him began to laugh.

"Naruto!" Sakura hissed. "He didn't mean experience in the field!"

Naruto looked at her and blinked, "But what else would he be-" Naruto's eyes widened as he began to blush.

"W-what does _that_ have to do with anything?!"

It was then Sasuke allowed a smirk to grow on his face. "It appears, Naruto, that _sex_-" many students blushed at the easy way the dark haired boy spoke the word, "is their way of measuring maturity and adulthood here."

He glanced over at the students; a look of clear superiority graced his porcelain face. "Where we come from, you become an adult when you graduate and become a working citizen. With that comes all the rights of adulthood." He tilted his face back toward his teammates, "Remember. Here they aren't adults until they reach 17."

Hermione's eyebrows knitted together in thought. "When do you graduate?" she inquired.

The team blinked again. "When you pass the exam, duh," Naruto stated in a matter-of-fact manner.

Sakura sighed. "I think she means what age is the average," she looked over to the brown haired girl for confirmation. The witch nodded. "The average age is 12."

"What?!" similar disbelief went through the crowd.

Naruto frowned and crossed his arms, "It's true. We all graduated at 12. The

next day you're assigned your group and leader, and the next day you start work!"

"So fast?!" There was disbelief.

"Of course," Sasuke's voice was cold and condescending, "as if we would be so weak as to not serve immediately?"

Sakura nodded, "Everyone serves as soon as they can! It is part of being a citizen, an adult."

"Of course, all the other benefits and hardships about being an adult happened when you graduate too." Naruto frowned, "Like taxes- as if I didn't have enough bills as it was."

"Or marriage," Sakura looked sideways at Sasuke, who shivered. "Poor Sasuke was practically mobbed the day he graduated by all his fans."

Sasuke twitched, "As if I would rebuild the clan before I killed that guy.."

Naruto snickered, "Everyone's after 'poor' Sasuke's pants."

The dark-haired boy's glare seemed to scream "Fuck you!" at Naruto, who just grinned cheekily.

"Later dear, there are children watching."


	3. Enter Umachan, Saddled Death

A joyful squeal penetrated the calm school grounds, making many students turn in the direction of the sound; the Forbidden Forest.

Suddenly bursting through the foliage were the strange visitors. Although they seemed to be floating, Harry could see the difference.

"Alright! This great!" The blonde cheered from his seat.

"What are you doing?!" Ron yelled over to them.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm playing with Uma-chan!" Naruto said, throwing his arms around the skeletal steed's neck. "Isn't she cute?!"

Behind him walked up his teammates, each atop a horse.

"C-cute?" Harry asked in disbelief.

"Yeah. I mean, she's a little creepy, but once you get past the 'reptile skeletony' thing, they're really cute!"

Harry gazed at each person on the thestrels. Naruto looked completely enchanted with his "Uma-chan". Sakura seemed less so, but from the way she absently stroked the horse's mane, Harry doubted her nervousness was from the actual horse. The- _Gray? Silver?_- haired man appeared amused as he read the strange orange colored book. Harry sucked in a quick breath when his eyes landed on Sasuke. He looked like the epitome of death looking down with an arrogance that clearly stated, 'You are nothing compared to me.'


	4. Team 7 vs The four Houses

"And I'm just saying your 'Houses' are stupid! How can you be effective with a bunch of people who are the same?"

Hermione looked confused, an anomaly that was happening more and more often since the ninjas came. "But with a House, with people of similar strengths, we can work better together and have a more harmonious experience at school." She sounded like she was reciting an excerpt from one of her school books. _Which_ Harry thought, _is most likely true._

"Yeah, except you all have the same weaknesses that can be easily exploited," Sakura countered.

"Not to mention that putting you all in special Houses makes you hate each other," Naruto added.

Sasuke merely glared disinterestedly.

"What would you do then?" Ron frowned.

"Obviously put different people together. That way they can cover for each other's faults."

"One person's weakness could be another's strong point. So not only will we work well together but we can also train each other to overcome our own weaknesses," Sakura finished.

"But that works because you guys are friends!"

They started laughing. Even Sasuke snickered.

"Are you _kidding_ me?! No way! We hated each other!" Sakura gasped, trying to catch her breath. "Naruto and Sasuke were trying to kill each other every other day!"

"That's because he's a prick!"

"He's a complete moron."

The two boys paused to glare at each other

"But..." Sasuke started.

"At least we weren't **fangirls!"** Naruto finished pointing at Sakura. Sasuke tried (and failed) to suppress a shudder. Sakura grimaced guiltily.

"But we worked well together because we had to or else risk our own and other lives."

"And that was just training with our teacher!"


	5. normalcy at breakfast?

8 reviews are enough to update I think... Thank you very much to the people who did. As for everyone else? you're breaking my heart here people! seriously, I love to hear what you guys thought of each chapter, just ask my Beta the amazing Heart of Shou.

to be truthfull, I'm only giving you these updates because I want to promote HoS's new fic "Dirty Little Secret" it's amazing! she definately made me a solid fan with it. Go read it now!

and so on with the fic!

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"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO RAMEN?!"

The wail seemed to cover the entire school, although in truth it was just through out the Grand Hall and the Hallways surrounding it.

At the center of the heart broken cry was a particularly short blonde boy, sitting in-between a girl with pink hair and a boy who, from the way he looked, Harry would not have been surprised to find a little arm tattoo on.

"Why?!" the wail continued until the dark haired boy's hand took hold of the back of the blonde's head and slammed it into the table.

Harry-and the other students around him- was shocked. As the kid lifted his head the green-eyed boy noticed blood trickling down his forehead! He couldn't believe a teacher hadn't stepped in yet- in fact he couldn't believe the violent guy had even been allowed in the school!

The teachers fidgeted, clearly wanting to do something about the violent act. Minerva narrowed her eyes at the grey-haired man sitting with the teachers, "Aren't you going to do something about _your_ students?"

The man snapped his book closed.

"Aa. Yes, I suppose I should," and he looked over at his students. "Sasuke, thank you. Naruto, shut up and stop whining. You're acting like a genin."

Naruto pouted but said nothing.

"Also, for not dodging such an obvious attack...you will spend the day with a blindfold on. Yes even at training."

Naruto gave Sasuke, who was snickering, a dirty look before taking a strange bandana out of a pocket hidden inside his robes and tying it over his eyes.

"Sakura...can you pass me a muffin? I don't remember where they are," he grumbled indignantly.

The teenager giggled and passed the basket, "Here Naruto. You still have a bit of blood on your forehead by the way."

"Nee...thanks," the blonde casually wiped away the crimson stain and proceeded to bite into a blueberry muffin.

The other two transfer students went back to their own breakfast as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened as the "teacher" flipped a page of his book- having gone back to reading after giving his command.

The other inhabitants of Hogwarts were left to sit and wonder, "What the hell?"

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AN: review please!! 


	6. the strength to die

This is dedicated to ForeverDancer, because they asked for a chapter involving the ghosts. I doubt this is what you had in mind though...sorry...

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"Why is it," Sasuke was gritting his teeth and glaring at the group of ghosts and students, "why is it that weak fools like you are allowed to continue and my-" He was shaking now and his sharigan was whirling full force, making the terrified students quiver and reminding Harry of a particularly snake-like person.

The dark haired boy seemed to be trying to say something, but finally threw his hands to his head, eyes closing. "Dammit!" the air around him literally became electrified. "Dammit!" the blue electricity began to spread from him.

"Sasuke," the strange masked man appeared in a flash in front to the students, facing the Uchiha, Naruto, and Sakura standing defensively beside him.

Sasuke's eyes snapped open, "..." and then he disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"What was that?!" a teacher exclaimed, and then the whole Great Hall was in an uproar of confusion and exclamations. A few students had even fainted.

Naruto bit his lip and flitted off, leaving Kakashi and Sakura to do damage control- he had more important things on his mind.

He found Sasuke on a ledge outside, sitting, one leg curled up the other, hanging over the edge. Naruto paused for a moment, not used to this sort of thing, and wondered if he should have just left his teammate alone.

_Alone,_

Naruto shook his head. No one really wanted to be alone-he would know- and he promptly sat cross-legged next to the ebony eyed shinobi.

Sasuke, who had been staring out over the forest, shifted his eyes toward the blonde and then back.

For a while, they just sat that way, until finally Naruto spoke:

"I think...maybe your family didn't have ghosts..._because_ they were strong."

Sasuke snapped his face toward him, and then looked away, "Hn."

Naruto took it as sign to continue, "I think that they were strong enough to be able to move on, despite their regrets. Those guys downstairs though... They just seem...kinda transparent."

Sasuke snorted nearly inaudibly. Naruto caught it though and grinned.

"Idiot," Sasuke murmured. The blonde decided to take the proverbial high road however and resisted the urge to stick his tongue out at the other boy.

"Seriously though, didn't you notice? Those guys...it's like they're too _unreal_. Like they're just pretend. Their personalities seem so, washed out...Like they've been reduced to comical caricatures of who they might have been."

Sasuke didn't answer and continued to stare out at the lush, green lake.

Naruto sighed and began to get up. He had said what he wanted, and if he stayed any longer Sasuke would probably get irritated.

Yet as he turned to go something pulled on his annoying robe. Surprised, Naruto turned back to see Sasuke, still looking out, but tugging on the coat corner. Smiling Naruto sat back down, stretching his legs out in front of him, then letting them hang off the ledge. Leaning back on his arms he grinned...

After a few moments he shifted his eyes to Sasuke, whose hand was still fingering the blonde's coat. ""At the least, I think you scared the shit out of 'the Children' "

Sasuke only smirked.

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An: Review!! also shameless plug try out my other continuous Naruto fic "Akatsuki Naruto" I promise it's most likely not what you'd expect! (besides, it needs more reviews for me to post more and too few people are willing to post a easy review! despite the fact that I have 6+ chapter's ready to be posted!) 

reeeevieeewwww...


	7. Potions vs Poisons

Wha!! This is the best chapter this fic has ever been graced with! And do you know why?

Because This fic was done with my Lovely Beta as my co-writer!! Originally this was to be a secret present for HoS, but i got...stuck.

Try and guess who wrote what half!

dedicated to Heart of Shou and your love of all things Snape. This is for being amazing

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"Potions"

"Poisons"

"Potions"

"Poisons"

"Potion"

"Poison"

Draco never though he would see the day that the potions teacher Severus Snape would fall to petty arguing with someone half his size.

The man seemed ready to pull out his fume-greased hair

"Now listen hear you impudent little boy. This class is for learning Potions."

The blonde looked just as aggregated "Potion, Poison! It's the same thing right?! They'll both kill the person you slip it too so what's your problem?!"

"My problem' as you so put it is that we shall do no such things with our potions. No potion that I will teach you is meant to be used to kill others!"

"fine, fine, Drug the person so you can kill them after interrogation. Same difference!"

The man looked somewhere between horrified and enraged "You will **not** be using your potions to drug anyone!"

"Then why are we in a Poison class?!"

The potions master went silent. This didn't happen often, but when it did even Draco felt fear.

"Hey! Hey! Answer my question! If we're not going to make poisons or drugs what could we be making?!"

For a long moment, Snape said nothing. He merely closed his eyes and bowed his head. In anyone else this would have been a sign of defeat but the tension only thickened, a rabbit's heart ready to burst.

Then Snape lifted his head again and looked Naruto in the eye. "You presume much to speak to me this way," came his low drawl. "I have little patience and you only stretch it further every time you open that nonsensical mouth of yours." There was a small little light that appeared in Snape's eye that made Draco want to duck and cover. "However, your reputation precedes you, nin-_ja_ and I am not one to come unprepared."

'Too many big words and not enough getting to the point,' thought Naruto. Out loud, he only huffed, "Oh yeah? And what exactly is your secret weapon? If you even have one that is."

"I am not one to bluff, Uzumaki," Snape pronounced Naruto's last name perfectly, but for some reason that only added to Naruto's irritation. Then Snape reached into his sleeve and pulled out what looked like a thin piece of paper with caricatures that looked surprisingly like kanji.

'What is that supposed to do?' Naruto wondered. 'But, really. Iruka-sensei has looked more threatening with a roll of duct tape.'

"Is that..." Sakura spoke up softly. Then she nearly jumped out of her seat. "Oh my gosh, it is! A special seal especially designed to silence foxes when they're being too noisy! I've been looking for those everywhere!"

'Gah!' thought Naruto, feeling sweat break out on his forehead. 'Worse than duct tape!'

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An: less-than-3 

don't forget to review!! (and check out Akatsuki Naruto!)(and everything Heart of the Shou has written )


	8. Farewell Naruto in Potterworld

"Why are you two so aggressive towards each other?" the too nosy for her own good Gryffindor asked, taking the opportunity of the visitors for once lounging around an area she and her friends frequented.

Sasuke decided to ignore her- as he was practiced in the art of ignoring annoyances but Sai cheerfully turned, smiling "Aa- I suppose I may have a problem with traitors" ^_^

Naruto (who _had _been napping on the tree branch above) snorted and muttered something about kettles and pots

"Traitor??" exclaimed Harry because he is a spiteful git- (much like Hermione in the second year in an incident involving a suspect tom and an at the time beloved family pet rat) and his mind was qued into certain words, like 'traitor' and 'snake' and 'dark' and of course 'custard'

The ever perverted ex-roots member only widened his suspicious grin and nodded "Oh yes, Sasuke betrayed our home to become the student of a snake of a man lusting after immortality."

The vague explanation made all three- excuse me, _five_ (forgot tubby mcforgetsalot and misscrazycommonsensebird) twitch - a side effect of their brains trying to self destruct.

"WHAT??" The red haired comic relief yelled in order to get the point of the fic moving

Sasuke frowned "When did I betray our home? I left to get revenge on my brother who slaughtered the police like clan (our _family _by the way), and killed my 'snake of a man' teacher when I was done with him...."

Naruto sighed- because he had been rather depressed, sulking and reading orange covered books for the past few weeks "He's talking about how you joined up with the cost-plus gang your brother was part of after you killed him. And decided to destroy our hometown- and _me -_ because creepy-old-dude-who-acted-like-a-little-kid-till-recently told you to"

Sasuke nodded "Aa..." because there really isn't anything you can say to such a statement.

Sakura snored quietly- too tired out from healing everyone and their grandnin to be part of this chapter.

Four-eyes, because it had been a while since he last pointed out the obvious, looked around "Hey...where's that masked guy..."

All four stared blankly, before Naruto and (no longer sleeping Sakura) began bawling "Kakashiii!!!" and a dark cloud of angst descended upon them. Even Sai looked almost sad but considering he's an unfeeling Sasuke clone with an obsession for all things Naruto, Sasuke and penis oriented- couldn't actually feel the loss of the second really awesome character.

Then Ginny- who magically arrived- widened her eyes. "Sore subject?" she asked

The angst doubled 'til the air was somewhat hard to breathe, forcing the Potterland group to runaway- lest they be devoured by the outraged fans that existed within the fog-o-angst

"Let's go guys," Ron said nervously.

"Yeah," they agreed. They had their own angsty troubled endings that this fic-author didn't care about to deal with after all.

FIN.

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And so Closes this _moving_ adventure. D I hope you all enjoyed it. I know, for the most part, I enjoyed laughing at all characters involved.

I anyone wants to read more of my 'literary genius' (haha) I'd say keep an eye on my profile for links to my live journal posts as most of my drabbles don't work with FFs layout ^_^*

To everyone else ^_^ bye.

Also Everyone needs to go to my beta "Heart of Shou" as their work is EPIC. Not haha ehpick but 'holy crap that's Epic!" epic.


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